70 Of The Weirdest Craigslist Posts
Amit Chowdhry | Saturday January 30, 2010 | 22,419 views| 1 Comment70. Beautiful fly – Los Angeles – [Link]
Date: 2009-09-10, 10:29PM PDT
I caught a fly.
Shimmers green, red eyes.
Measures approximately 9mm by 5mm, flies great.
Want to give to a good home.
69. WhaleMobile *UNIQUE*
Date: 2009-07-15, 7:22AM EDT
This one of a kind “WhaleMobile” is for sale. It needs new tires, but otherwise starts right up and runs fine. Not street legal, but still fun to drive, good for birthday parties and events. A lever inside the cockpit controls the whale tail, and allows some up and down motion. Water pump inside cockpit still works, and will build up pressure to be released through blowhole up top. It has working headlights.
This was a project my grandfather worked on when I was a kid, and it used to terrify me, as I have an inexplicable fear of these evil creatures. I am hoping to sell it by the end of the month, as I owe child support and don’t have the cash to cover it at the moment. This was built off of the frame of an otherwise perfect 1986 Yugo Cabrio. The vehicle itself has 38,000 miles on it, but it was badly damaged in a hailstorm and the bodywork was completely demolished. My grandfather got the idea of turning it into a WhaleMobile off of some cartoon, and he took his crazy idea and ran with it.
Serious inquiries only, but all are welcome to come and see the WhaleMobile in action. Please leave the harpoons at home.
Call me directly at 502.448.1137 for more details, leave a message if I don’t answer.
68. Planning to pillage? You’ll need one of these! -Seattle [Link]
Date: 2005-11-12, 2:46PM PST
The vikings from the Capitol One commercials may be running out of work, but that doesn’t mean you can’t pillage the next city over. (We suggest Redmond.)
Today only, we’re giving away one very special viking hat. Ideal for the modern pillager, it is constructed from lightweight silver and gold plastic. Complete with faux gold horns and faux gold rope detailing, it makes the statement, “I have come for your grog and your goats.”
As it was never worn into battle, the hat is in mint condition, free of blood and dents.
It is “one size fits most,” and has ritual phrases impressed on the inside of the hat. They read, “CAUTION This is a toy not to be used as a safety helmet. Made in China. WARNING! This is a toy. Does not provide protection.” Lo, be ye warned.
Available for pick up until 6 PM today. No holds.
May your pillage be plentiful and your beer in Ballard be tasty.
67. Stupid clock with day, month and date read out – Ventura [Link]
Date: 2008-06-29, 10:39AM PDT
I bought this stupid clock on E-Bay for my 86-year old aunt, because she is getting confused. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize until it arrived that you have to manually change everything, every day, except the time.
Every day. Push three buttons. If you forget for a day, or only push two buttons, the large, black and white read-out that is so easy to read, is wrong. I found it made her even more confused. If the stupid clock said something, she believed it. I would call her up and tell her what day it is and she would argue with me, because her stupid clock said something different.
Stupid clock. I bought her a new one that automatically changes every day.
This stupid, battery operated clock is free to whomever wants it. You will find it easier to work in harmony with it if you are a fairly cognizant person. On the other hand, if you are not always cognizant and want to drive your family crazy, this is the PERFECT clock for you.
66. Are these yours – Minneapolis [Link]
I had a beautiful Russian woman in my bed this weekend. In her haste to leave, she left these two bobby pins behind. If you know the woman who these belong to tell her to contact me so she can come pick them up?
but maybe she wanted to leave them here so she had an excuse to see me again?
65. Large Glass Jar (possibly containing a ghost) – Montreal [Link]
Date: 2007-12-09, 11:18PM EST
I picked up this Jar at my uncles estate sale. It’s believed to contain a ghost! possibly of George Harrison. If you’re in to ghosts and other super natural phenomenon, or are a Beatles fan, this is the item for you.
64. Free Spectacles for One-eared man – Dallas [Link]
Date: 2009-07-15, 9:52PM AKDT
I currently have two ears, so these glasses are not particularly well-suited for me, however, if you are missing your RIGHT ear, and have a -3.00 prescription in both eyes, then these glasses are for you! Designer BCBG frames, anti-glare coating and a genuine glasses case seal this deal!
63. UPDATE: My CRAZY Pot Head Neighbor Lady – Portland [Link]
Date: 2005-09-08, 6:46PM PDT
Some of you may remember the pics I posted a while back of my neighbor, who wears either a kitchen POT or a tinfoil hat on her head – every day. Well let me tell you she is officially CRAZY (I know, as if the head wear didn’t already give it away). Allow me if you will to replay the events of last night around 10:30:
I stepped out back and sat down on my patio chair to have a smoke before heading to bed. Now sometimes the Pot Head Lady steps out in the evening also, so I didn’t think anything of it when I heard her sliding door open. Until she started yelling. I looked around, then realized she was yelling at ME. Here’s how it went -
Pot Head Lady: Hey you f**king ASSHOLE! Next time you f**king shoot me do it to my face!
Me: (looking around confusedly) Excuse me?
PHL: (basically repeating the same thing over again)
At this time I should say that I was thinking ‘s**t…hahaha…just MAYBE she was, in her own backwards way, talking about the pictures I took of her and she had found them on craigslist!’ Now that would be funny, but that was over a month ago and I doubt she just found them now.
Me: WHAT are you talking about??
PHL: (her tone temporarily changing to sound almost-sane) Do you live there?
Me: Umm, Yes…
PHL: You f**king TAZERED me in the back when I wasn’t looking ASSHOLE! You SONOFAb***h YOU MADE MY KIDNEY HURT!!!
Me: WHAT?!
PHL: YOU f**kING LIAR YOU DID IT – YOU TAZERED ME IN THE BACK!! Next time do it to my face!!! ASSHOLE!
At this point I have nothing. I don’t know whether to laugh and run for the camera again or get pissed because I have two young kids sleeping in the house and she is YELLING at me in my own backyard. Hoping to get her to SHUT UP, I decided to go with “Ok, you need to go back into your house lady.”
She looked at me for a second, muttered to herself about me being a “real class act” or something, then ignored me, watered her plants, and went back in.
Never a dull moment here in Gresham.
STAY TUNED…
62. Lord of the Rings tribute band forming. – SF Bay Area [Link]
There is a void in the San Francisco cover/tribute band circuit in need of filling. Do we really need another all girl AC/DC / 80′s / Disco combo? Additionally, the musical realization of JRR Tolkien’s Middle Earth has recently been poorly represented at the hands of Peter Jackson. Do you really think after spending over 10 years creating an entire mythology from the ground up Tolkien would want some p***y s**t like Enya as the soundtrack?
As far as a line up goes I’m thinking about something very similar to the actual original fellowship. 2 Humans, 1 Elf and 1 Dwarf. I know what what you’re thinking, what about the Hobbits? Well I’ve thought long and hard about this. Having Hobbits in the band will be cost prohibitive. Half-lings or “little people” get tons of work doing acting gigs and fetish parties and stuff and as a result want some serious cash for their talents. Trust me, I’ve looked into this.
On the flipside I’m not adverse to the idea of having a wizard in the lineup. It shouldn’t be too hard to find a taller guy and it would be pretty kick ass to have Gandalf the Grey for the first set, have him “fall into darkness” then become Gandalf the White for the second set…f**k yeah! So make that 2 Humans, 1 Elf, 1 Dwarf, and f**king Gandalf!
We’ll need to augment the band with a killer crew. Hair, makeup, sword maker, catering and PA’s (someone’s got score some ale and pipe-weed from the Shire…LOL!) .
Before the line up (fellowship) is formed we’ll need to sit down and come up with a sound and vision that really captures the Tolkien vibe. I know Robert Plant made some vague references to Mordor, the Misty Mountains and Gollum and what not, but we need to make this a hell of a lot more authentic than that. Hell, I’m thinking of having half the songs in Elvish!
So this is an open call to all musicians/L.O.T.R enthusiasts. Only the most dedicated need apply. No druggies! No flakes!
61. I will miss this couch. – Vancouver, BC [Link]
Date: 2006-03-06, 9:26PM PST
It’s time to say farewell to a beloved friend and a piece of my personal history.
My good ol’ brown chesterfield.
See, I met me a nice ladyfriend, and we’ve decided that ol’ Brownie no longer suits our needs. It’s a bachelor couch, and I’m no longer a bachelor. This is not to say men only, oh no. It’s just that this couch has treated my friends and me well for many years, and I’d prefer to see it go to some nice folks who will enjoy it…four reasonably-sized asses can sit comfortably on it while playing video games, watching DVDs, drinkin’ beers…it’s a great couch that brought a lot of joy to those asses, and it’s got a lot more ass-joy in it yet.
Yes it’s ugly, and no it’s not in wonderful shape, but its surface is even and its springs have not yet sprung their last. I’m 6’1″ and have included a pic of myself stretched full-length on it for purposes of scale; it has been, and may yet be, the site of many lazy Sunday naps. You can see that Jack and Squirrelly are also bidding their adieus. It is surprisingly comfortable and most of my houseguests over the years have preferred it to my horrible hide-a-bed. And though many weary drunken heads have passed out on it, it has never been puked on while in my care.
The price? Well, I’d give it away but I’d feel bad about it.
In the spirit with which ol’ Brownie has been enjoyed, here’s the deal:
You come get it, bring a case of beer, and it’s yours. I’ll even help you load it. The beer’s gotta be something decent ? la Granville Island, OK Spring, or the like…I will not trade such a fine and loyal friend for yellow pisswater. I don’t want the $20…you have to bring the beer. I think the type of folks who’ll see the importance of giving ol’ Brownie a good home will understand.
Email me with your contact info and we’ll sort you out.
(Verification word is ‘quits’…s**t, I’m getting all misty. Aw, Brownie…I’ll miss ya, pal.)
60. Free Upright Piano – Boston [Link]
Date: 2006-04-21, 8:40AM EDT
1 Free upright Piano. Will need some reconditioning to return to good condition, but is marginally playable (and horribly out of tune) now.
Here’s how it will work. You and as many of your strong friends that you can Tom Sawyer into this job will come by and move the piano off my second floor (1 set of straight stairs) into a vehicle of yours. I’m not lifting it, or providing a vehicle for it. I will help you gently guide it through my house so that I still have walls after you leave.
Now here’s the part that I know will be hard for people to understand:
I’m not holding it for anyone without a $100 deposit for every week you want me to hold it. Not even if you ask really nicely.
The first person to show up and take it gets it. This piano was listed once before, and you wouldn’t believe the number of homeless dying one-legged Mongolian orphans that just needed a piano to make life better. I heard some great sob stories (probably all true!) about why I should hold this piano for this person or that person. Well, I ended up holding it for the first caller, who never got it. Then I held it for someone else, and they never got it. Then everyone was gone, and I still had a piano.
“But wait!” you’re saying. “Why should I put down a deposit on something that’s free?” Well, if you want me to hold it, you can give me a $100 bill. I’ll tape it to the piano. When you get the piano, you get the $100 with it! It’s like getting paid $100 to take the piano! You won’t find a better way to get your money back – *and* you get a free piano! If you forget, or get run over by a busload of orphans on their way to get a free harpsichord, I’m going to keep the $100. Want me to hold it 2 weeks? That’s $200.
“But I don’t trust you to keep my $100…” Well, I don’t trust you to come back and get this oversized paperweight. I tried that before and it didn’t work.
“But I don’t have $100 and I really want the free piano!” OK, just come get it! It’s really that simple.
“But I don’t have $100 and I can’t come by with a truck for two weeks…” No piano for you! Life sucks; get a helmet.
I don’t really want the piano. It came with the house when I bought it. I play the flute, which I can carry in one hand. I’ve tried picking up the piano with 1 hand, and I can’t quite get a good grip. Please, take my piano.
So, if you want it, show up and take it! Simple, huh?
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