70 Of The Weirdest Craigslist Posts
Amit Chowdhry | Saturday January 30, 2010 | 22,423 views| 1 Comment19. Intelligent atheist white man seeks sweetie – Boston [Link]
Date: 2008-01-08, 11:45PM EST
I’m a single atheist white man, 54, reputedly intelligent, with unusual interests in politics, science, music and dance.
I’d like to meet a woman with varied interests, curious about the world, comfortable expressing her likes and dislikes (I hate struggling to guess), delighting in her ability to fascinate a man and in being loved tenderly, who values joy, truth, beauty and justice more than “success”–so we can share bouts of intense, passionately kind awareness of each other, alternating with tolerant warmth while we’re absorbed in other aspects of life.
My 23-year-old child, the Free Software Movement, occupies most of my life, leaving no room for more children, but I still have room to love a sweetheart if she doesn’t need to spend time with me every day. I spend a lot of my time traveling to give speeches, often to Europe, Asia and Latin America; it would be nice if you were free to travel with me some of the time.
Reply and we’ll see where it leads.
18. LOOKING FOR LEGEND OF ZELDA LINK>>> IF HES OUT THERE – Denver [Link]
Date: 2007-11-29, 5:09PM MST
Hi, I know thats strange one. I want a guy who looks like link. from the game. I thought to myself that I might as well be honest. I look like zelda, so why not ask for it? who knows.. I know theres a guy like that. So if you think you look like link, the blonde skater cut, and light eyes look email me. Im a simple chick who loves zelda. I know thats a corney one to ask but heck we might as well be honest as to what we like? am I right? I want a guy like that and a guy who is romantic and believes in chilvary, love, old school ways, and doesnt have a problem with european culture. Thanks a bunch!!! If I like you, and you have a pic, ill email you back. PS I WILL NOT RESPOND to guys without FACE SHOTS. period. Thankyou for understanding. Im not a body chick. more a face and Please only guys 30 and below. And please do not email me rude comments… this world has too many jerks and I delete them and report to the authorities. Its extreme I know But please have respect.
17. Frankenpick – Austin [Link]
Date: 2007-10-19, 9:08AM CDT
Latest offering smuggled from the former Soviet Union, this pick utilizes old Russian nuclear laser technology. Strap on the convenient Velcro micro-unit, plug into any 1200 Watt power supply, and aim the solar panels directly at the sun and dial in the guitar style of your choice.
From Chet Atkins to Duane Allman, guitar herodom is literally at your fingertips. The micro sensors process the bass and drum beats and submit a series of small electrical shocks directly into your nervous system causing you to involuntarily crank out searing leads.
A word of caution: actual electrical discharges my vary, and side affects could include erratic blues face, trembling of the hips commonly known as Presley syndrome, drooling and involuntary anal discharge. In extreme cases, you may be mistaken for a drummer.
Local sales only. Cash only. Contact your health care professional if erection last more than 6 hours. No scammers please.
16. Is This YOUR Marijuana!?!?!?!?!?!? – Vancouver, BC
Date: 2007-09-14, 2:50PM PDT
Yesterday, I got a small padded envelope in the mail, returned to my address in North Vancouver because it needed a customs declaration attached.
Trouble is, I never sent this particular parcel.
My wife looked it over, and we realized that it had the right address, but there was no such apartment number.
We looked up the name at the top, but there is no R. Kent in the phone book, nor any people with the same last name with a similar street number. A quick search on Canada Posts website reveals the postal code to be valid on a nearby street.
My wife opened it, and you can imagine our reaction to its contents. We debated if it was a friend playing a joke on us, or if it was intended to be found and cause trouble. However, Canada Customs never found out about the contents, so the point is rendered moot.
I will keep the contents for now, and remail the envelope with a photo of its former contents with a short note saying if he gets in touch with the person how mailed it orginally, he can drop by and retrieve it.
He better hurry though, as I only intend to hang onto it for so long.
15. 6 pack packing tape for $5 for 6 pack beer [Link]
Date: 2007-09-12, 9:05PM CDT
So I posted an ad asking to exchange the packing tape pictured below for a sixer of beer. I figured this would be no big deal – a basic easy trade with no lingering anxieties or questions left unanswered. Tape is tape and beer is… well… delicious. However, my ad was flagged. This leaves me mildly upset. Bartering for beer is a practice I commonly use in Wisconsin. I’ll be at Culver’s (also delicious) with some friends and I’ll be out of cash so they’ll pick up my tab. And instead of owing them $5.31 or whatever I’ll just owe them a beer or two next time we go out. Easy. Very easy. So easy, in fact, that I thought the same principal could be applied to the barter system on Craig’s List. But alas, this extraordinary website I have relied on for so much (my job, my apartment, a few gigs, even a date or two), has let me down. Burried in the fine print I see the prohibited list includes: “Alcohol or tobacco products.” Sigh. Too bad Craigslist is based out of California – where unhappy cows come from – instead of the Great State of Wisconsin. Then we would only be able to barter for beer, cheese and brats.
I guess the point is that I’m still trying to get rid of this packing tape. So now I am asking to trade the 6 pack packing tape for $5 so I can purchase the 6 pack of beer. I’ll even throw in a bonus roll. Other offers will be entertained, including a trade for non-California cheese.
14. To the person who put a Rick James album on my windshield… – Ann Arbor [Link]
Date: 2007-09-12, 1:33PM EDT
Yesterday (9/11) I was running errands in downtown. I had a lot on my mind and was not having the best day ever. After returning to my car 15 minutes after the meter expired, I expected to find a parking ticket. But no, in place of a parking ticket was a Rick James vinyl… SCORE!
Who was responsible for this? Why Rick James? Were you aware that I have an unhealthy obsession with my record collection or was I just the random recipient of a generious gift?
Either way, to the person who bestowed upon me the newest addition to my collection- thank you. Thank you for making my day just a little more absurd. Thank you for making me smile. Thank you for taking my mind off work. But most of all, thank you for opening my ears to the musical masterpiece that is “Dance Wit’ Me”.
So, to the person who put the Rick James vinyl on my windshield- I want to know you. If you, by any random chance, happen to read this, please contact me. Also, let me know something about my car so that I can authenticate your deed and possibly return the favor!
13. ********ASS KICKING MACHINE******* – Orange County – [Link]
Date: 2007-08-28, 2:34PM PDT
I am looking for candidates to try out my new invention for a carnival. I need people with a good strong butt. Duties involve sustained blows to the rear by different brands of shoes attached to a rotating ferris wheel device. This job is not for people that have hemmroids or any other ailments of that nature. Must be able to pass background, have a clean/ perfect DMV and pass a drug test from hair samples. Basically im like any other company I want that perfect person for a job that any ass can do. Oh and If you need any remodeling done I have 10+ years experience and my own tools.
Mike Stamps
San Clemente, Ca
850 529-0478
or mikelstamps@yahoo.com
12. I SAID EVERYTHING ON THE TARP, NOT THE TARP ITSELF! – Sacramento [Link]
Date: 2007-08-13, 5:45PM PDT
Hey! Could you please bring my tarp back? That’s a brand new tarp and my best one. Just put it back on the lawn, please. You don’t even have to say anything. I understand your misunderstanding. Thanks!
-Kevin
11. Scary Porcelain Dolls – Ventura [Link]
Date: 2007-07-20, 10:24PM PDT
The thing is, I’m afraid of porcelain dolls. I’m esp. afraid of clowns. These are not clowns, they are just very ugly and evil-looking girl dolls with dresses on. I keep them in the garage, because I’m concerned about them animating at night and attacking me while I sleep.
Please take them away.
UPDATE: AS OF 3:30pm on Sunday THEY ARE GONE. HOOORAY!! Thanks for all who wrote in commenting on the funnieness of this post, but seriously, I’m just glad they are gone. A nice gal in a yellow Geo took them away.
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