28. Perky Pet 203CP Pinch Waist Glass Hummingbird Feeder, 8 oz capacity
By Bartok Kinski
This double set, humming bird acquifier and ant feeder is a wonderful addition to any senior citizen’s home. Sitting in your air conditioned porch and watching birds of all distinction taste the syrupy flavor that comes out of the spout will make anyone go wild, unless you are blind.
27. Motorola HS-850 Bluetooth Headset (OEM)
By The Amazin’ Amazon Guy
THANKS TO BLUETOOTH YOUR EARTHLINGS NOW RESEMBLE ME. I NOW BLEND INTO YOUR EARTH SOCIETY AFTER BEING OBJECT OF EARTH RIDICULE FROM EARTHLINGS FOR MANY EARTH YEARS BECAUSE OF COMMUNICATION DEVICE WITH BLINKING BLUE LIGHT ATTACHED TO RIGHT EAR.
BLUETOOTH NOW NOT ONLY MAKES ME APPEAR SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE BUT ALSO GIVES ME APPEARANCE OF BEING EAGER YOUNG EARTH BUSINESSMAN. SOME ON EARTH HAVE CHRISTENED ME “GO-GETTER”. NOT ONE OF YOUR EARTHLINGS HAS YET QUESTIONED COMMUNICATION DEVICE WITH BLINKING BLUE LIGHT ATTACHED TO RIGHT EAR SINCE AVAILABLITY OF BLUETOOTH. I COMMUNICATE WITH LEADER OF BEEZAR SEVEN WHILE GIVING APPEARANCE OF COMMUNICATING WITH SUPERVISOR IN NEXT BUILDING.
I AM NOW ABLE TO WALK UNSUSPECTED IN YOUR PLACES OF BUSINESS. I AM ALSO FINALLY ABLE TO PURCHASE MANY THOUSANDS OF YOUR CIRCUS PEANUTS WITHOUT DIFFICULTY. MATING WITH YOUR FEMALES IS NOW DISTINCT POSSIBILITY. PLANET BEEZAR SEVEN OWES DEBT OF GRATITUDE TO BLUETOOTH FOR ENABLING SOCIAL ACCEPTANCE OF BEEZARIANS ON PLANET EARTH.
26. Jesus Action Figure Deluxe
By Mojo
At first I admit I was skeptical when searching for a new friend for Barbie, but now I am delighted to have stumbled across such a masterpiece.
The distinction of this doll compared to Ken dolls is astounding. Deluxe Jesus stands a whopping three-quarters of an inch taller than that puny “Go to the Beach Ken” doll. DJ is to Abercrombie as Ken is to Baby Gap. When I stood them next to each other and aimed my personal desk fan at them, Deluxe Jesus stood firm while Ken was swept away. The sun-through-a-magnifying glass test put a hole right through Ken, but DJ was unaffected, as if his own father created the Sun.
The quality of this item is undisputable. It is waterproof and comes with fake bread loaves and fake fish (perfect for fake meals!!) Great for adults and kids alike. Deluxe Jesus: The new Ken. A must buy!!
25. Radio Controlled Rat- The Rotten Rodent
By Bartok Kinski
While I was staying in a barn in Russia, I bought some of these with me. Unfortunately one of the farm hands, who was drunk at the time, smashed it to pieces with a hammer because he thought it was a real rat.
Fun to use when you are bored or dream of dead rats.
24. It Hurts When I Poop!
By Hoffman
I’m 31 years old and have been afraid of pooping my whole life. Now after reading this book I go six or seven times a day, usually laughing joyously throughout the entire experience.
23. Graco Pack ‘n Play Playard in Bugs Quilt
By Hoffman
My kid hates this. The bugs are almost as big as her. It’s like she’s trapped in a nightmare. I just use it as a punishment device when she’s bad now. Or when I need a good laugh.
22. Foggy Mountain HotMoose
By GC
I would like to dedicate this review to the memory of my beloved cousin/half-brother Billy C. If this review saves just one life, his untimely death will not have been in vain.
Billy was never the smartest, but he was kind and had a wicked sense of humor. He was always joking around with my other cousins and brothers, and playing pranks on the rest of the family.
My uncle was preparing to take some of the boys on a hunting trip, and had sent Billy out to the garage to gather up some supplies. Billy found a bottle of HotMoose in my uncle’s garage with some of his other hunting supplies.
Being unable to read past a 2nd grade level and having little to no ability to think critically about that which he did read, he took one look at the attractive gentleman on the label and one whiff of the musky contents and mistook it for cologne. Dabbing some behind his ears, and dabbing more in other conspicuous areas of his person, using near half the bottle, he felt like a true man as he and the rest of the guys headed off to hunt moose.
Let me explain why this was such a tragic mistake: Foggy Mountain HotMoose is the essence of the urine of a female moose in heat. Thus, not only does it attract moose, but it specifically attracts male moose who are blinded by their raging hormones, seeking only to get it on with a ladymoose and ready to thrash anything or anyone that gets in their way. Few forces of nature match that of a male moose looking for action. So, imagine the tragic end to the story which begins with an innocent young man dabbing himself with moose juice, and middles with an enraged moose bull mistaking the frail, 130 lb young man for a female moose in heat.
No one knew poor Billy had doused himself with the stuff, and no one had been keeping an eye on him as he held back from the group, distracted by the beauty of nature and all of the Lord’s creation. I will never forget that weekend … we could barely enjoy the fresh moose meat, and as we dined, we could only console each other knowing that Billy had at least died on a day when he had been truly happy, out and enjoying nature. And perhaps it was fitting that he died with nature enjoying him.
It has been over a year since Billy’s closed-casket funeral, and the pain still lingers. But I hope that from this story, you will know to be careful with HotMoose and realize that the attractive gentleman featured on the bottle was most likely carrying a gun and prepared to fend off vile-minded male moose. May you do the same.
I gave this product 4 stars because it does do a very good job of attracting male moose, but I had to remove 1 star in memory of Billy, whose starry light has been extinguished forever.
21. Dream Supreme Plus 100% Gel Filled Pillows
By Bartok Kinski
I had no idea on how to inflate the Pillows, as no air pump came with the package.
There was an odd smell to them as soon as I opened them. I think it was a smelly factory where they were produced, so much so that I gagged the first night I used them on the bus in Ecuador. I used the Dream Supreme Plus Pillow as a travel Pillow but it was useless.
Eventually they caught fire near a camp where I slept.
(more…)